Every year around my birthday, I find myself reflecting a little more than usual. Maybe it is because birthdays have a way of marking time. Not just the years that have passed but the seasons of life that shaped them. The dreams that changed. The goals that evolved. The things that once felt so urgent but somehow became less important along the way.
Today I turn 43. And while I certainly do not have life figured out, I do know that I see things differently than I did at 23 or even 33. For a long time, I thought success looked a certain way. It looked like checking every box. Building the career. Earning the degrees. Working harder than everyone else. Proving myself. Accomplishing more.
And to be fair, those things mattered. They helped shape who I am today. But somewhere along the way, life started teaching me different lessons. I’m not sure what I was working so hard for anymore. I think it was for that little 4 year old girl who thought she had to work SO hard to prove herself to others, to her parents, to all the adults in the rooms, and especially to the boys. And from that moment on, I used my drive to get me to where I wanted to go and rushed right past the small moments and the everyday journey.
The Things I Once Prayed For Are the Things I Rush Through
One of the biggest realizations I had last year is that many of the things that fill my days are actually the very things I once prayed for. I know we all have heard this before and how cliched it can sound, but it is very true.
The school drop-offs. The endless questions. The sports practices. The grocery store runs. The messy kitchen. The family vacations. The bedtime routines. For six years, I waited to become a mom. I wanted it more than anything. But I truly didn’t even know what becoming a mom event meant. It was just an idea in my head. A picture I had seen on tv and in my everyday life. I didn’t realize the pretty and perfect picture came with so many scribbles and rough drafts. Now I see they are part of the entire picture. They are what makes it.
There were days when I would find myself rushing through the very moments I once dreamed about. That realization stopped me in my tracks. Because the truth is these ordinary days are not interruptions to life. They are life. These imperfect moments are not the problem or the distraction, they are everything.
Success Looks Different Than It Used To
In my twenties, success was achievement. In my thirties, success was growth. At 43, success is freedom. Freedom to attend the school program. Freedom to say yes to the field trip. Freedom to build a business that lets me be me. Freedom to work hard while still being present. Freedom to choose what matters most. I still have goals. I still want to grow. I still want to challenge myself. But I no longer want success at the expense of the people I love most. I have 3 little ones who are watching everything I do and who still depend on me so much. Everything I do is for them these days.
I Am Learning to Stop Waiting
For years I treated joy like a destination. I would be happy when the house was cleaned. When work slowed down. When the next goal was reached. When the schedule was easier. When I got my next degree. When life felt less chaotic. The problem is that another goal always appears. Another project. Another milestone. Another reason to postpone joy. And the bar is always raised.
Lately I have been learning that the best moments are usually the ones hiding in ordinary days. A summer dinner outside. Coffee on a quiet morning. Watching my kids sing in the vehicle together. A weekend road trip. A walk around the neighborhood. The moments rarely look extraordinary while they are happening, but years later, those are often the memories we treasure most.
The Older I Get, the More I Value Relationships
At 43, I care less about impressing people and more about connecting with them. I care less about having all the answers and more about being present. I care less about doing everything perfectly and more about showing up consistently. Life has a way of reminding us that accomplishments are wonderful, but relationships are what give those accomplishments meaning. The older I get, the more I realize that people are the best part of life.
What I Hope for This Next Year
I do not hope for perfection. I do not hope for an easier schedule. I do not hope for everything to go according to plan. Instead, I hope for awareness. I hope I notice the moments while I am living them. I hope I stop rushing quite so much. I hope I continue building a life that reflects my values. I hope I keep choosing presence over perfection. And most of all, I hope I remember that the life I spent years working to build is already here. Because at 43, I am finally learning that the things that matter most were never waiting somewhere in the future. They were here all along.
